Dear Mr Nuttall,

Your attitude is typical of the laziness and incompetence I have encountered from every other minor Government functionary it has been my misfortune to deal with. With people like you running this country, it is no wonder that after all these years Kennedy's real killer has still never been identified!
I can just picture you sitting there on your modern, comfortable, tax-payer funded Government toilet, smirking away. Let me tell you, it would wipe the simpering triple-ply quilted Wondersoft smile off your face if you'd had to endure the torture I've endured, and continue to endure every quarter of an hour!

You say that no complaints have been received from other tenants - of course not! They have submitted to the influence of this Evil Device! They are now helpless slaves of the Bowl of Beelzebub!

You, yes YOU Mr Nuttall, must do something NOW - or I am warning you that I won't be the only one hearing the sound of two enmeshed chainsaws. And I won't be responsible. No, you will have your own self to blame! You and the Latrine of the Liar, the Cesspit of the Serpent, the Pan of Pan!

Holding on for your help,
Andrew Bolton